Letter to Svennis

Hahaha... I just have to laugh. Northern Ireland defeats mighty England. 0-1. Let me laugh again. Muhahaha...

Now seriously, how can one of the potentially best teams in the world (according to the English themselves anyway) be humiliated by lowly Northern Ireland. This little country should definitely been a walk in the park for England’s boys. But Beckham, Gerrard, Lampard, and the rest of the overpaid English players failed miserably. Miserably! It's so embarrassing, it's not even funny.

I'm happy not to be British. I'm happy to be Swedish. The Swedish team wins their matches. Everytime. We have Zlatan. He's amazing. Sometimes. But he's not really Swedish, but that's okay. Sweden is a multinational country and soon all the Swedish players will have such names. And we still have Lucic, he's been around forever and, he's a real Swede!

It's sad when a manager with Svennis reputation fails so bad, it's so sad. It really is. All his humping has apparently destroyed his ability to manage England. To use a 4-5-1 formation against puny Wales was incredibly cowardly. Why so defensive, Sven? Why not use 4-4-2? Isn't it suppose to be you're favorite formation? Okay, you need two good attackers. Owen was unavailable, so he wasn’t there, it's understandable. So, Shrek, I mean Rooney and... who else? England got other forwards, right? There must be some? No? Not a single one? Common, I've seen lot's of them in Championship Manager! No, wait. All the best attackers are foreign. Arsenal's golden cow is Henry, Chelsea's is Drogba, and United's is Van Basten. No, that's wrong. It's Van Nisteboy or something. Anyway, they're all non-British. So Sven, you're foregiven! Owen and Rooney it is.

The 1-4 loss to Denmark wasn’t so bad after all, considering. It wasn’t a big game. And it's just Denmark. What's good about the Danes again? Ah yeah, it's the land of Carlsberg. Beer land! And when David James admitted he didn't warm up, well then nobody got upset. Maybe Ferdinand wasn't in the mood. It happens. Maybe someone flushed him with a fire-extinguisher, i hear he likes those. Hey, it's just four goals. Just four. Not even five.

The win over Wales was really good! 1-0. One goal, that's amazing. Well, at least the defenders didn't allow Hartson to score. But it was close! Puh. 1-0 over such good opposition. Oh, and how nice it was to drop Joe Cole after his goal, Sven! That’s the spirit! Keep the morale up!

Northern Ireland beats England. 1-0. Common, now that's nothing but a shame. It's catastrophic, it's bad, and Northern Ireland hasn't won England since Jesus was a child. Ok, since 70 years. Big difference.

Anyway, Sven, why don’t you just resign? It would be best for everybody. I'm asking you as a fellow Swede. Let it go dawg, it's over. You wouldn't be in the spotlight anymore but you don't like that anyway, so it's ok. Why don't you go back to good old IFK Gothenburg. At least there you can win something. And they havn't won anything for ages now. Maybe you can bring Beckham? I'm sure he likes those Swedish blondes! Wow. That would be cool. But wait, you’re gonna get it right with England in October, huh? I mean, that’s when your boys are gonna start playing like Brazil, right?

Oh, I'm looking forward to the Poland game. Are we gonna see some Samba them? I bet not. I bet I'll laugh. But probably not so much. I bet Sven laughs even more. I bet he's gonna laugh all the way to the bank. Cause if FA finally sacks him, he's getting about 13 million pounds or so...

He's smart Sven. And soon rich too. Damn rich.

Go England. Go.